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Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Sunday, January 25, 2009
It was a gorgeous summer's day, I was luxuriating in my Friday off & happy in the anticipation of a meeting a friend for lunch on the terrace of our favourite cafe. We'd been sitting for only a moment when my friend leant over to me & with tears in her eyes said "Mills, I hate what I do." It was the proverbial 'Bolt right out of the blue'.
My friend, so strong & assured, so assertive & intelligent - the one we all look to for stability & strength. When things go wrong & we occasionally lose our way through life's great journey she is always, always there to pick us up. I was totally at a loss. Maybe I 'd misunderstood what she had just said, maybe I'd missed a couple of vital words - but no, as she uttered the words again, I knew for certain that this lunch was going to be very different from all the others we'd had over the years.
She did law, topping her class with distinction, then followed a rapid rise with an established group, culminating in a partnership. About 8 years ago, the chance to buy the practice on the retirement of the 2 Senior Partners saw her taking the risk & doing it. She worked hard, introduced new & innovative initiatives. Her business grew & thrived & expanded, her loving husband & gorgeous kids always by her side with their love & support - by all intents & purposes she had it all. There were overseas trips speaking at international legal conferences , accolades by her peers, a book on her expertise in mediation almost complete - my brain could hardly process her mind-numbing words.
But then the haze & fog of my confusion lifted & I began to understand & see what she was really saying. It was not the work per se she hated, it was the specialty she'd chosen all those years ago - Family Law. So many years of adversarial combat in court, watching people's lives unravelling in the most horrible ways, listening day in & day out to the vitriol & hatred & contempt that sadly so often goes with relationship breakdowns. She's not burnt out, or suffering from depression, isn't hormonal, nor is she going through a temporary crisis, she's just simply & totally over it - done, finito. I know her so well & that's the facts.
So now, the impregnable armour she's clothed herself in each day for so many years has been pierced & she's bleeding profusely. To cut a long story short, we talked for 3 hours & will continue to do so in the coming days. She is determined in her resolve to make a change in her life, but it has intense & multi-faceted ramifications. Her family are confused & worried, not knowing how to help or counsel her. She will do what's needed I'm sure of it, but it's going to be a hard few months. In her wonderful way, she has always ensured a balance in her life by developing strong & diverse interests outside of work. I believe she knows that one of these is where her future lies & with courage & conviction, she will follow her heart down that path.
For me, the big question here is "Do you love what you do?" And if you don't, if all the practical obstacles could be removed, what is it that would make you the happiest - & produce a life of great meaning, fulfillment & deep personal satisfaction. Yes, it's a little D&M for a Monday morning, but it's the question that's been spinning around in my head since Friday. If you'd like to share your thoughts, I'd love to hear from you. I think there'll be some fascinating comments - & if you've been a lurker at The Hedge maybe now's the time to join in - you'd be warmly welcomed.
Monday, October 20, 2008
The Millie of a life-time ago!Son #2 in Melbourne has been talking to us about wanting to change the direction of his working life. He's always been passionate about film-making (particularly editing), but has never actively pursued it as a full-time career. His current job is well-paying, however he hates it, but it has allowed him to build a good nest-egg of savings. Now at 28 he thinks that moment in time has arrived & its now or never to take that gigantic leap of faith & study full-time.
In thinking about his decision & what advice to give him, I started to think about my own career path. At 17 I desperately wanted to become a journalist. However, there was no tertiary degree at that time (1973), the only way to enter the industry was through a cadetship with News Limited (who owns our daily newspaper) & with only 2 places per year & over 3,000 applicants, I didn't have enough self-belief to even apply. So as many of us did then (& to my parents relief!), I went nursing. I enjoyed my 3 years & came out at the end with a qualification, & sort of accepted that this was to be what I would do for the rest of my working life.
In my post-grad. year I developed an interest in Intensive Care/Coronary Care nursing, & did the tough post-grad. Diploma. Then an unexpected move into the highly-specialized area of Cardio-Thoracic (Open Heart Surgical) Intensive Care came along. From the very first moment in that environment, I knew I'd found something I could really love & give my all to. So that was it, I was hooked.
That is where I stayed for the next 10 years (in between all the babies!), studied for & gained my Cardio-Thoracic Critical Care degree & continued to love it totally. However, in late 1990, a chance conversation with a senior colleague altered the course of my work life forever. She recommended me for a non-clinical position that I'd never considered, & yes, much to my amazement I secured the position.
So for the past 18 years I've enjoyed an amazing ride in an area that was so totally out of my comfort zone! It has allowed me to experience some incredible moments, travel the world, meet my heroes, make life-long friends from my client base, constantly challenge myself & be on the forefront of some amazing ground-breaking technology.
So I guess in counselling Son #2, my only option is to advise him to go for it! After all, I took that step (albeit shakily!) & my life changed forever. I would be so interested in hearing your stories - if you are doing something very different to what you planned to do originally, the chance encounters along the way that led you there & those 'interesting' forks in the road that confront us & present opportunities in the most unexpected forms.
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