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Tuesday, June 1, 2010
To The Manager @ La Maison, Shoreditch High Street, London E1.On May 10th you received email correspondence from a Sir Lachlan 1V enquiring about the bed pictured below. Sir Lachlan expressed great interest in the bed, how many you held in stock in case he wanted to purchase more than one for his country estate, delivery options, etc. You kindly emailed back, answering all his queries & quoting a price of GBP6,000.
I am sorry to say that an order from Sir Lachlan in the Colonies will not be forthcoming. As his mother, it is my regretful duty to inform you that this email request was not exactly kosher. In actual fact, it resulted from a very late night with his mates, a slab of Cooper's Sparkling Ale, a bottle of hoon juice Bourbon, a discarded copy of his mother's English Homes & Gardens, a computer & too much youthful 'exuberance'. Sadly this is not the first time such 'enquires' to genuine Merchants have emanated from that computer. If Sir Lachlan was 15 years younger, he would be grounded for a month & his computer privileges removed. However, at 28, punitive parental measures such as this would only be met with amusement. For your information, (& I trust as some form of consolation for your troubles) he did receive the famous Millie Death Stare, which has been known to freeze over parts of the Polar Ice Cap in seconds.
Once again, please accept my sincere apologies for this most unfortunate incident. However, I would like to place an order for the cherub bed below. I think it would be the perfect gift for Sir Lachlan on his next birthday. It will be with great interest that I watch to see how he explains the presence of this divine piece of rococco angelic-ness in his bedroom to the above same mates. Right alongside the Ford Muscle Car Posters & signed Cheech & Chong 'memorablia'.
Yours sincerely
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