Celeb Best Blog

'Don't worry Mum, I'll find that busted downpipe underneath all those leaves for you. Yep, I promise I'll keep MOTH & his impatient chainsaw away from the Boston Ivy - after all it only took 35 years to grow on that wall.'

'See, I knew it would be here. Geez it looks bad - keep MOTH busy inside Mum while I work out a way of putting a new pipe in without wrecking the Ivy.'

'Geez, that trench was hard work to dig. Wasn't helped either by the deep layer of concrete I found, that some idiot had laid the pavers directly onto. It's 3p.m. & my other brother was supposed to be here to help, but I've just texted him & he reckons he's been 'detained'. Detained all right - by the blonde chick I saw him with last night when we were all out at the Pub.'

'Not sure what the Old Man with the saw is about to do. Take that thing away from him Mum, he'll really stuff things up. I told him not to saw there.'

'I know the trench has totally wrecked the garden bed outside your bedroom window. Those are the breaks Mum, stop sniffling, you're just gonna have to suck it up.'

'Sorry Mum but it's getting late & 'cos I had to do everything 'cos the Old Man reckoned his shoulder was too crook to dig & my dodgy brother's only just turned up for the roast dinner you promised, I'll have to leave everything in a mess & all the pavers in a pile.'

Editors Note: Since then we've had 60mm. of rain. The new downpipe appears to be working but the courtyard is a total mud & sludge disaster without any pavers. Why me Lord, why me.